I could not ask for a more beautiful spring this year. For the story behind the pictures, click here: http://gildavid168.blogs.friendster.com/gildavid_bulletin/

     This entry is inspired by a conversation I had with my nephews Nico, Royroy and Loyloy last week. I hope mothers with young children will learn something from this.

     Did you ever remember a time when your parents (and/or significant adults in your life) did something to you that you did not like, and you told yourself, "When I become a parent, I will never do this to my children."? 

    If I had a dollar for all the times I had said those words, and deposited it in the bank, I would be a millionaire many times over by now.

     Growing up in a strict (and disciplinarian) clan, it was easy to find things that I felt, as a young girl, should not have been done to children. We lived in an almost one hectare family compound and the number of adults who scolded me when I "messed up" included parents,  grand parents, aunties, grand aunties and some of the helpers. I collectively call them "elders" (different from the "Council of Elders" which refers to my grandmother and her sisters).  They were a threatening bunch from the eyes of a  little girl. 

     I suppose my siblings felt the same way too, but I am only speaking from my perspective. I saw the "elders" as adults who did not have seconds thoughts about criticizing, scolding and striking at a child. Even then I had asked myself, "What right do they have to treat children that way?". In fairness, they also taught me very important positive life lessons which I will write about in another entry.

     As a young adult with a degree in Psychology, I started to understand the reason behind the behavior of the "elders". I did the healing work required so that the cycle of criticism and "put downs" would not be passed on to the next generation. I would like to think that I don't treat my nephews and nieces in the same way that I was treated by the "elders". Still, I am so painfully aware that I have "slipped" on more than one occassion. 

     I remember how one woman said, "I hate myself because the things I hated about my parents, I am doing to my children".

     It takes a lot of effort to liberate oneself from the negative experiences, beliefs, superstitions, and ways that we were brought up with. They are embeded in the subconscious mind. They are part of who we are and, unless we make a conscious effort to work on ourselves, they will be our legacy to the next generation. They will have a way of showing up specially during times of stress.

    For instance, growing up, I was often scolded for sitting down idle and doing nothing (no, they did not know that I was doing something in my inner world of thoughts and ideas). I would be told to get my rear end off the chair and do some household chores or to sweep the leaves outside.  I hated it when the elders did that....and yet, I have done the same to my nephews and nieces. I may not have said it as harshly as the elders did, but I was just as guilty.

     I believe that the only way to avoid handing down this negative pattern to the next generation is to try and understand where, how and why this has come to be.

     As Louise Hay would say, "We are all victims of victims." They were only "passing on" what they themselves have gone through because they did not know any other way of behaving. When we understand this we can stop the blame, choose to forgive, be healed and, with grace, stop carrying on the pattern of criticism, put downs and rejection.

    The next generation does not need to go through the rejection and pain we went through. When we heal our hearts, the next generation and the one after that will be healed as well.

     So next time you catch yourself doing to your children what you said you would never do, think "Oh oh, I have some elder work to do again.".

 (my generation)

(the next generation)

      "This is going to be one serious topic for a blog." , said my husband after I drove him crazy yesterday.

     I had asked him two days earlier if he would mind my transferring the "Prayer Room" to the "East Bedroom". I explained that the "Prayer Room" was more suited as a reading room/second guest room because it was more "yang". He said that he would not have an issue with the change; so Friday after lunch, I tackled the job.

     Let's rewind a few weeks earlier. I volunteered to do the Feng Shui of Tara's (David's niece) and Allen's new house. Since this would be their first exposure to Feng Shui, I did not want to overwhelm them with the complex computations used in the Compass School (and Flying Star forms) of Feng Shui. Instead, I decided to apply the simpler, more western, form used by the Black (Hat) Sect Tantric Tibetan Buddhist School (which I affectionately call the Black Hat). 

    While the Compass School and the Black Hat School (also referred as Form school) share some similarities, they also have some essential differences. When I studied Feng Shui in the 1990s, I was first exposed to the Black Hat School but I shifted to the Compass School a few years later. I used the latter to determine the Feng Shui of our present house (took me two days!).

     I had to retrain myself once more in the Black Hat form in order to assess Tara's house. I came accross the books of Terah Kathryn Collins and fell in love again with the Form School of feng shui. 

    After I did the analysis of Tara's house, I did an assessment of our house as well. I realized that I needed to do some rearranging and transferring. It was this moving and rearranging that caused my husband's above comment.

    I was reminded of a similar comment made by my youngest brother Paul, many years back, when I asked him to transfer from the south room to the northeast room (the area of the youngest son). He said, "What? Another book, another transfer!" 

    I started moving things last Friday. David was happy with what I did. On Sunday afternoon, after we came home from Mass, I was rearranging things again!  This lasted until the evening. My bewildered husband was wondering what I was up to.  .

     When I make Feng Shui changes, I have the tendency to keep moving things around until they "feel right". I sat down on the floor in order to check the "feel" of the new arrangement .  I was a little cold, so I took a comforter and wrapped it around me. David came into the room and saw me on the floor covered with the comforter.   He worriedly asked, "Are you alright?". I told him that I was fine, I was just a little tired with all the moving and rearranging.  

     He looked at me, a little unconvinced, and said, "This is going to be one serious topic for a blog. "  I said,"Yes, it will be entitled, 'How I Drove My Husband Crazy'."        

    I was still at it until about 11:30 in the evening (I decided to make some Feng Shui enhancements as well). This morning, I cleared my clutter and admired the results.

    I turned to my husband and appreciated him for his enormous tolerance and loving understanding of my periods of "extreme temporary insanity" . I am very aware that my behavior would have driven a less tolerant husband into an inauspicious behavior that would have resulted in a conflict. Fortunately, my David has extraordinary forbearance.

     The more I know this man, the more I grow in my love and appreciation for him. He is the only man I know who would give me a hug after a day of driving him crazy .

Here is a tag from Mel:

1. Four Jobs I Have Had

   Teacher, Children's Talent Education Center, Manila

   Teacher, University of San Carlos Psychology Department         

    Staff, Redemptorist Justice and Peace Desk, Cebu                                  

    Program Director, Education for Peace Children's Mission, Philippines

2. Four Movies Watched Over and Over

    Star Wars Series, The Sound of Music, Gandhi, Harry Potter Series

3.  Four Places I Have Lived

     I have only 3, Cebu, Manila and Ohio

4. Four Shows I Watch

    MI-5 (Spooks), Law and Order, NCIS, The Wire

5. Four Places I Have Been To                                                                 

    Germany, England, Holland, Japan                                                                                                    

6. Four People Who Email Me (since this is limited to 4, I apologize to those I cannot mention )

    My nieces and nephews (Cebu) , My Brother, Daisy (Cebu), Paula (Germany)

7. Favorite Things to Eat                                                                          

   Chinese, Pot Roast, Seafood, Fried Rice  

8. Four Places I Would Rather Be Living

    I like my present home (though I would like to be somewhere warm right now)

9. Four Things I Look Forward To This Year

    My 10 Year Greencard,  Trip to Michigan, The Cincinnati Tennis Tournament, Another vacation (?)

     This is an offshoot of Rheb's "What's in Your Kitchen?" blog entry.

     Back in the Philippines, my bedroom was a library with books on psychology, philosophy, spirituality, self help, metaphysics, alternative health, feng shui, best sellers and several others.

     It did not take long before I started collecting books again when I got to the U.S. David is also into books and, last December, we made one of our bedrooms into a reading room.

     Here are some of our books and reading materials:

 (our magazines)

 (health books)

 (tennis books)

 (self help books)

(books by Paolo Coelho, Louise Hay and Caroline Myss)

(books on feng shui, gardening and home decorating)

 (best sellers)

   (David's books on accounting, finance and flying)

(books in my prayer room including the priceless Autobiography of a Yogi)

     One of the joys of living in the U.S. (other than free coke refills ) is our updated, well supplied library. David and I are regulars there. I put our borrowed library books in a special chest so I can keep track of them.

         Calling Rhebs, Geri, Sandy, Tess, Darl, Lanie, Kim, In-in, Mel, Honeylet, Dauphine,  Steph, Maycie, Banot, and May. What's in your library?

     A super blizzard struck Ohio last Friday through Saturday leaving 20.4 inches of snow, 1,914 crashes, and two deaths. Ninety percent of flights were cancelled, most business were closed and many events (including Church services) were cancelled. People were adviced to stay in their homes.

     The last time central Ohio saw this magnitude of   snow for a single storm was 98 years ago and that was only 15.3 inches!

     The blizzard started Friday noon as we were leaving for my biometrics appointment. On our way home, it started to pick up.

      This was how our front yard looked when we got home. 

This was how it looked the following morning. 

Here is a shot from another angle on Friday afternoon. 

This was how it looked the following morning.

      It was a sight to behold! David said the last time he saw this much snow in Columbas was in 1987, ands that was only 12.2 inches.

     When the winter storm warning was issued on Thursday, we went on a "just in case we get stuck for a few days" trip to the grocery store. By the time the blizzard struck, we were observing it  in the comfort of our home. 

     I prepared a lovely lunch, we watched a movie on TV and spent a peaceful afternoon together while a strong wind, coupled with heavy snow, was wrecking havoc outside .

   By early evening (on Saturday), it was over. Our driveway was covered by over 12 inches of snow. David was worried that we might not be able to get out in case of an emergency so we decided he decided to shovel the snow from our driveway right after dinner. I told him it was cold outside, but he did not want to wait because the task would be more difficult when the snow hardens. 

     He invited me to come outside so I would experience my first blizzard. I grabbed the camera and  took a picture of him shoveling. I tried my hand on the shovel but it was  heavy so I went back inside the house to stay away from the cold. I felt uncomfortable and a little guilty leaving my hardworking husband to do the job alone. We have a long driveway and it was a strenous job. I went out to see if there was something I could do. I found our dustpan and used it to help him out. We worked for over a hour but we got our driveway cleared. 

Just for fun, I took a stick and wrote "Gildavid" on the snow.

     Our "Blizzard of 2008" experience taught me a life lesson. Blizzards are part of nature's expression of life. Like nature, blizzards are also part of our lives. These are often called  "crisis", "problems", "difficulties" and (for the proactive ones) "challenges".

     The common reaction to a crisis is panic, confrontation, escape, withdrawal, confusion or helplessness. Neither of these are affective ways of dealing with the predicament.

     From our recent blizzard experience, I realized that a crisis can be handled in a more graceful manner.

     Just as we prepared for the blizzard by going to the grocery store the moment we were aware that one was coming, I figured that we too can prepare for a crisis the moment we realize that one is heading our way. This can be done by regularly strengthening our "problem solving muscles" by doing "self work"  and "self empowerment" exercises so that our unfinished business will not cloud our judgments when we are in the middle of a crisis. Developing a healthy spiritual life is another  great way of doing this because it enables us to tap a Power higher than ourselves for assistance.

     Just as we calmly enjoyed a wonderful lunch and a relaxing afternoon while a storm was brewing outside, we can also create a calm and peaceful place within ourselves where we can seek refuge and find balance, and seek guidance during difficult times. When we are able to access this place, we will be able to go to the next stage with some degree of clarity.  

     Lastly, just as we went out and did the hard work of clearing the driveway after the blizzard, we also need to be willing to do whatever intelligent work is required, even is it is difficult, to bring about the best  resolution to the situation we are in.

    When this is done, we will we find ourselves standing on a clear driveway, ready to move on.

     True, blizzards are scary, but since they are a natural part of life, we cannot avoid them. We can only prepare for them so that, when they do come (knock on wood ), we can handle them gracefully and still manage to have fun .

     Oh, and one more thing about blizzards, they are temporary.        

      More pictures at this site:  http://gildavid168.blogs.friendster.com/gildavid_bulletin/

    I had my biometrics taken this morning. Click here for my account of our experience: http://gildavid168.blogs.friendster.com/gildavid_bulletin/

     The picture above was taken when we got home from the biometrics appointment.

    After several years of wondering if I would ever hear the song "Because We are in Love (The Wedding Song)" sang by Karen Carpenter again, I came accross the lyrics and this video from YouTube. It was such a pleasant surprise.

     Over twenty years ago (goodness, where did time go?) my friend Beth introduced me to this song and I fell in love with it. Later, I found out that my brother had a record album (entitled Made in America) by the Carpenters and this was the last song in that album.

     Anyway, back then, I told Beth that I would like for her to sing that song at my wedding. No, I was not getting a marriage proposal, but I wanted to get married by August 8, 1988 because 8 is a lucky number. What would be more lucky than getting married on a date with all 8s (8/8/88 ), right?.

     I had the date but I did not have an answer to the question "to whom?".  .

     August 8, 1988 passed and I did not get married. Still, my friend Annette would never make me forget about this 8/8/88 wedding plan of mine. She even mentioned it to David .

     I forgot about that song for many years until one day, a former student of mine told me that she and her group are getting invitations to sing at weddings. I asked her if she was familiar with the Wedding Song by the Carpenters and she said no. She requested me to sing the song but, because I cannot carry a tune even if my life depended on it, she could not make head or tails with what song I was referring to  .

     Since then, I would occassionally look for this song in any tape or CD by the Carpenters that I came accross with but I had no luck in finding it.

     Last night, for no reason, I remembered this song and surfed the internet for its lyrics. To my delight, I did not only find the lyrics, I also discovered this videoclip with Karen Carpenter singing my favorite wedding song.

     The song is about a young woman who is about to be married. It has three parts. First, she was reminiscing the fun of her childhood days and marveled at how she went from a child to a young woman in a blinking of an eye. Second, she went to her mother to seek her counsel. Third, learning from her mother's wisdom, she talks to her husband and expresses her confidence in their love.

     There is something beautifully touching, almost sacred, about the image of a mother giving counsel to her daughter as the latter prepares to enter into married life. The mother is passing on to her daughter the lessons that she had learned as she fought the good fight of life. The daughter, taking to heart her mother's advice, completely aware that she would soon be entering through the same tunnel her mother went through; and finding comfort in the thought that she has her mother's words of wisdom as her guide through that tunnel. This was the image that made me fall in love with that song.

        Because of the circumstances prior to my wedding, I did not get the benefit of my mother's counsel because she was halfway accross the world. There was no wise older woman to pass on to me her words of wisdom.

     Instead, I knelt before my altar and sought the counself and blessing of the Blessed Mother. She gave comfort my anxious heart.

     Then I had a conversation with myself. The "about to be married me" had a talk with the part of me that had "fought the good fight and had learned some wisdom from the experience". The "about to me married me" was counseled to trust herself, to trust in the goodness of Life, and to trust in the Love that had brought her to this foreign land to marry the man who came to her life as an answer to a prayer.

     I still remember those two conversations as clearly today as that time over two years ago. 

     I did not get married on  8/8/88. Beth did not sing at my wedding,  but, as the lyrics of the song go, I did find "a place to keep my home forever". David is that home and yes, we are in love.

     I hope you too will find this song as inspiring as I did and that you can sing it much much better than I can,  .

    Because We are in Love (The Wedding Song)

Children
It was more fun to be children
We just took life as it happened
Run thru the days
Don't look behind

Over wink of an eye and it's over
What a surprise to discover
We were people ourselves
What kind of people did we want to be
No answer ever came to me

I didn't sleep at all last night
Mom, I've come to you like yesterday
About today
Mom, I'm afraid
Hon, come and sit by my side
Listen to me
Words come so hard
But what my heart says
I will give you

Because you are in love
Your eyes begin to open
As if you had awaken from a sleep
Because you are in love
You use imagination
And lose your concentration
When someone drops his name
You're back in his arms as always
Your day-dreams work out that way
It's all just a trick your mind plays
The more love grows
The more it says the same

(Same little girl who's frightened)
But I love him so
(Same little girl who's sure)
That she loves him so
(Sees with a woman's vision knows what a woman knows)

Because we are in love
We reach for our tomorrows
And know we won't be lonely
In laughter and in sorrows
Where love abides
There is the place we'll keep our home forever
You and I
Because we are in love

Where love abides
There is the place we'll keep our home forever
You and I
Because we are in love

     This is dedicated to my cousin Delia from whose kitchen I got my first cooking lessons in the US. She prepared a wonderful dinner when Rhebs, Geri and Evan came for a visit.

(Delia and me)

     This is a tag from Rhebs for me, Geri, Mel and Sandy. 

     Almost everyone who knows me, know that I was helpless in the kitchen before I came to the US. Except for basic frying (which have sometimes ended in a disaster) I did not know how to cook.  My young nieces have far more better cooking skills than me. They laughed at my attempts to cook and they are still sceptical when ever  David tells them that I cooked a good meal (Did she burn the cake Uncle?). One time, I tried to cook some rice and it was un-eatable (and I come from a rice eating country!). That got me running to SM the following day and to buy a rice cooker .

     When I got here, one of the things I had to learn was to be handy around the kitchen. Delia was my life saver. She patiently taught me how to prepare simple recipes and walked me through the whole procedure. She would call me to ask what recipe I was preparing for the day. Her cooking tips saved me from what would have been embarrasing kitchen faux pas.  

     David's kitchen and eating habits were quite spartan. Even then, he was already health conscious but because he was living alone, it was more convenient for him to eat out than to cook. It took a few weeks before we were able to create a kitchen with all the basics for home cooking.   

     So, what's in our kitchen?

 Fresh and frozen fruits: We always have fruits on the table, usually bananas, oranges, apples grapes and grapefruit. The frozen fruits are David's because I still have not developed a taste for them. I like avocado but David doesn't, so I only get some when Kroger has a sale.

  Fresh and frozen vegetables sorry, too lazy to take them out from their protective plastic bags )  I use fresh vegetables for cooking and for salads. The frozen vegetables are usually steamed and served with spray butter and a dash of salt.

 Cheeses: Right now we have parmesan, mozarella, cheddar, American and Swiss (for Lanie's yummy Swiss Creamy Chicken recipe). We use Smart Balance butter (and butter spray is for our steamed vegetables). Below the cheeses and butter are lemon juices for cooking and to add a little flavor to our drinking water.

 Eggs, 2% milk and chocolate milk, yogourt and pudding. We use Brita filter for our water. I would add a few drops of lemon juice in water. David prefers sparkling water.

 We have different salad dressings (my favorite is poppy seed), different sauces, pickles (both slices and relish), different kinds of syrup for waffles (which we occassionally have for breakfast).

  Meat, fish and poultry: I always stock up on pork slices, chicken and fish (salmon, tilapia and perch) whenever I see a good sale. I put them in separate plastic bags so I do not need to thaw the whole package when I cook. Ever since Delia taught me how to make roasts, I also stocked up on "buy one get one free" pot roasts and pork roasts. Very seldom do I find "buy one get one free" ground beef and ground pork, but I always try to have these in the freezer as well.

 Other items that I always have in the freezer are frozen egg rolls (I always make 25 egg rolls because the wrappers come in a 25 pack). Caught on candid camera are popsicles (low calorie snack), frozen dumplings (left over from our Chinese New Year/David's birthday party), kishes and a few boxes of Healthy Choice meals.

   Spices, vinegars, cooking wines and oils: So far, I have only learned to use a few basic spices and red and white cooking wines. For vinegars, I would usually mix apple cider vinegar and Datu Puti white vinegar. Soy sauce is a another item that is always present when I cook any kind of meat usually as a marinade. The only oils I use are extra virgin olive oil (cold pressed) and canola oil when I need to deep fry.

 A food scale for ease in computing calories.

     Since October of last year, David has been recording his daily calorie intake and tried to stick to less than 2000 calories per day. He was able to get his weight down below 200 lbs. I don't measure my calorie intake (at least, I haven't found the need to do so yet). I simply watch my portions and listen to my body. So far, my weight has been under control (pwera buyag ).

     Lunch is our biggest meal of the day. Here is an example of David's lunch using  Rheb's tilapia recipe with a cup of garlic rice (I always have a glass of coke during lunch but on this day, he decided to have one himself which is very very rare for him).

     Here is an example of what we would usually have for dinner.  

 David would have a bowl of salad and a sandwich or a small portion of meat. Today, it was a small piece of pork chop with au graten potatoes (left over from lunch).

Here is my dinner, a small salad and a piece of cheese hotdog. See what I mean about portions?

    Eat healthy everyone !